


when you die (i'll be next to you)

by orphan_account



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: seongwoo's life through kisses.(alternatively, seongwoo falls in love)





	when you die (i'll be next to you)

**Author's Note:**

> not beta'd, has been in my drafts for literally 4 months because sometimes life gets on top of you and you forget you have a 90% finished fic in your drafts but im....finally....FINALLY posting it 
> 
> im not satisfied with it at all but i hope??? you like it???? or at least dont cringe as much as i do thats always a plus
> 
> title from hyukoh's 2002worldcup (also inspired by the lyrics) (also has no dying despite the title do not fret we're all happy over here)

_innocent_.

Minhyun is almost like a breath of fresh air to 10 year old Seongwoo, so much so that an exhale actually manages to escape his lips and into the cold air, the white mist it creates stealing his attention from the other momentarily.

The newcomer stands in front of the class with a puffy coat and scarf bundled around his neck stiffly, covering his mouth as if he hadn't dared to move an inch since his mother had wrapped it around him with a force that can only stem from care, sending him off through the gates of the school with a loving gaze. His glasses resting upon his button nose fall slightly and he pushes them up awkwardly, not wanting to draw more attention to himself.

"Class, this is Hwang Minhyun who will be attending our school from now on," Seongwoo giggles unintentionally at how Minhyun keeps the same frozen expression as the teacher introduces him. "Please welcome him nicely." 

The kids bow and mumble a robotic greeting, and Seongwoo _tries_ , he really does, but ends up muffling more giggles into his own scarf, because Minhyun's attempt to bow back with a coat that restricting is just too funny. 

When Minhyun looks back up, Seongwoo meets narrowed eyes directed at him. Both of their scarves had fallen down from the bowing, and Seongwoo sees a pout on the others lips when Minhyun boldly makes his way towards him as the class prepares to go inside.

"Hey, you,” Seongwoo can practically hear the pout through his words, only making him snicker harder. “Why were you laughing at me?" 

Having stepped down from the slightly raised platform, Minhyun sticks out even more like a sore thumb. He's a little overgrown, heads taller than the smallest of the class, lanky, stance awkward; just like Seongwoo. Seongwoo was always used to being the tallest.

"I don't know," Seongwoo admits, giggling dying down, "You just looked funny."

"That's not nice. That's mean. It was scary up there, try having everyone stare at you like that.”

Seongwoo finds himself growing excited while actually talking to the other, meeting new people always managing to intrigue him. The other being taller than him, albeit only slightly, is another foreign feeling that only fuels the cheery step in his walk.

"It's not  _bad_  to be funny," Seongwoo counters, bumping his shoulder playfully, "Funny is good, right? It's good to laugh. And I don’t think I’d mind having everyone stare at me.” Minhyun is stunned by that, unable to deny or retaliate, and so he just laughs loudly, leaving Seongwoo stunned this time.

 

 

Life is simple at that age. The two easily merge together from the first meeting, even causing Seongwoo's already existing friends to feel real jealousy for the first time. Minki in particular finds it hard to mask his hesitation to accept Minhyun, crossing his arms in front of himself when Seongwoo first brings him over to their table. 

"You won't even give him a chance, Minki?" Jonghyun, a small boy who had approached Seongwoo to ask if he could reach the stuffed toy on the top shelf for him with a nervous smile on the very first day, is the first one to speak up before Seongwoo even opens his mouth, stealing a purple crayon from the moody boy beside him, "I'm sorry, new person, do you want to draw with us?"

"I'm Minhyun," Minhyun opts to introduce himself again personally, figuring Jonghyun doesn't remember his name. He notes not to make eye contact with the taller one of the 2 frail boys in front of him as he bows. "Nice to meet you, uh, small one. What are you drawing?" 

Seongwoo snickers at the nickname, as if it's some sort of inside joke between him and his  _tall_ friend who is also  _tall_ like Seongwoo is  _tall._ Jonghyun hands Minhyun some crayons after introducing himself timidly, his smile as sincere as a 10 year old can muster.

"Why doesn't he like me?" Minhyun whispers to Seongwoo when they sit around the colourful table, eyeing Minki's figure nervously.

"He does," Seongwoo assures him, not wanting to scare his new friend off, "He's just—Minki, stop being stupid." 

Minki looks up from where he works on a picture of a bunny, suspicious expression long gone and replaced with wide eyes. "I don't hate you, but Seongwoo is our friend."

"Can he not be Minhyun's too?" Jonghyun butts in with a mature sigh that would sound funny to an adult passing by, "He can be our friend too. We can all share."

"Okay, but I don't want him to hog Seongwoo."

"I won't," Minhyun exclaims, a faint blush gracing his cheeks, "I don't even like him that much. He laughed at me out there." Minki starts laughing now, seemingly deciding he trusts Minhyun by sliding his rabbit drawing across the table. Minhyun isn't sure it's a present he personally would hope for, but accepts it nonetheless, feeling the warm welcome his teacher wished upon him.

 

 

A year passes fast, the group ending up closer than ever as summer comes and prepares to leave once again. Minhyun and Seongwoo are inseparable; when Minki and Jonghyun have already slipped on their backpacks and shoes, Minhyun begs his parents to let Seongwoo sleep over. Most nights. His parents reluctantly sacrifice many peaceful nights of sleep for rocky nights with 2 hyperactive kids giggling in the room next to them, because Minhyun always seems so happy around his new friend that they can’t ever seem to deny him.

Minhyun’s 11th birthday marks the first time Seongwoo has to visit a hospital, due to his urge to disobey Jonghyun's self-made bike speed limit for them (he takes it very seriously, and now Seongwoo understands why). The journey there can only be described as chaotic, consisting mostly of Minhyun's sister trying to ease Seongwoo's tears by telling him the hospital isn't scary.

But with a potentially broken arm and bloody knees, the last thing he wants to hear about is the hot doctor that distracted her from the pain with his good looks alone. 

Minhyun stays by his side the whole day after surgery for his (turns out, very) broken arm. Seongwoo doesn’t understand how his mother lets him, with him missing school and all, but he doesn’t voice this; he’d be bored without him, even with Minhyun’s face hidden in his book most of the time.

When Seongwoo’s parents disappear to get more water and go to the bathroom, Minhyun puts his book down and pulls his legs up onto the chair to get more comfortable. “Is it better yet?”

”It’s not gonna be better for a long time,” Seongwoo mutters with a sigh, “I want to go home.”

”I know something that can speed it up, but—" Minhyun pauses to form a circle around his mouth with his hands to whisper-yell (no one else is in the room yet, but it's totally necessary). "It’s kinda embarrassing.” 

Seongwoo narrows his eyes in a similar way to how Minki had when first meeting Minhyun, though his eyes glimmer with amusement rather than hesitance and suspicion. "Are you magic, Minhyun? Are you going to perform a spell on me?"

Minhyun shakes his head with rosy cheeks bunched up beneath foxlike eyes in a grin, an adorable trademark that's known to charm everyone when he needs to (the older girls in their school and teachers especially). “But it works for me, and Jonghyun said it does too. Jonghyun is always right." 

He leans off his chair uncomfortably, not willing to stand up, and places a kiss directly onto Seongwoo's cast. Seongwoo  _shrieks,_ because girls aren't the only ones who have cooties.

* * *

 _unfamiliar_.

Seongwoo is 16 when he starts to feel different; about Minhyun, about Minki, about Jonghyun, even about the new, older student from America, Aaron—or was it Andy?—Minki would carelessly gush over in Korean thinking he won't understand a thing (When he had turned around one day and asked where he can find the library in _Korean_ , seconds after Minki had said "Doesn't he sound so attra— _cool_ when he speaks english?", Minki had almost passed out in embarrassment). 

He tries to convince himself it's not a huge thing, and manages to for a while. He even manages to convince himself that it's part of growing up and friendship, he's just appreciating his friends—even the way he sometimes ends up watching Minhyun's lips when he's explaining homework to him, and thinking about what it might be like to kiss him instead of the problem he's supposed to be solving.

He's forced to face reality when he realises he's attracted to random guys he passes on the way to classes and guys on tv too, without even knowing their name. He knew it all along, anyway.

At 17, when Seongwoo decides he wants to start dancing after noticing the school runs a club, he meets a guy named Daniel. Daniel is a year younger but has been dancing since young, and he approaches Seongwoo with an offer to help him get started and positive energy so strong he can't help but smile back just as big.

Daniel's not only an amazing mentor but also an amazing friend, and the two build up a friendship through Seongwoo's (slow, but he's trying his hardest) learning that leads to a night of sleepy confessions on the floor of the school's dance studio. It's here Seongwoo learns Daniel likes guys too, has known for a while, and it's here that Seongwoo experiences his first kiss, though chaste and fleeting with only the intention to help him make a decision.

When Daniel pulls back with a goofy smile on his lips, eyebrows raised as if waiting for Seongwoo to say something groundbreaking (or possibly just something along the lines of “I guess I really am gay”), Seongwoo almost feels bad for asking if he could kiss him when there's no feelings attached. Daniel tells him it's fine, that he already has someone he likes anyway and hopes Seongwoo feels more secure now. He goes home that night exhausted from dancing as always, but with new feelings of confidence and acceptance alongside. He thinks about the kiss, but instead of thinking of Daniel, he finds himself wondering if Minhyun's kiss would be even better.

He tells himself that it's simply because his Minhyun, his overgrown Minhyun with the funny glasses and awkward posture, grew up well.

* * *

_tentative._

“What?"

Minki and Jonghyun stare blankly, as if they'd just told Seongwoo the most obvious thing in the world. Which they kinda had. He was just having trouble processing it.

"We're moving for college," Minki repeats, though he doesn’t show any sign of annoyance at Seongwoo’s reaction. "Well, not together. Minhyun and I will be going to the college we talked about a while back, you know the one in Busan we mentioned? Jonghyun will be going on his own."

"I don't—why didn't you tell me before? The 60 or something other times we talked about college?"

"I decided yesterday, so I'm telling you straight away," Jonghyun mutters, glancing at the floor as if he's owning up to something terrible, "But we knew you had no plans to move for college and we didn't want to effect your decision." When Seongwoo only looks at them stupidly as if he doesn't believe what he's hearing, Minki pushes his shoulder lightly with a reassuring smile. 

"Hey, it's not going to be that different, you know? We're still going to—"

Seongwoo, having come to his senses, cuts them off, "It's fine, it’ll just be weird, we've been with each other practically everyday for 7—"

"8."

"—8 years. That's almost 10. I can't imagine not being able to pester one of you whenever I need something," Jonghyun laughs while Minki scoffs, but it only brings Seongwoo's attention to the uncharacteristically quiet Minhyun beside him who hasn't said one word. "You too, Minhyun?"

Minhyun's eyes widen when he finally looks them in the eye, as if he's still the new kid from years ago, the insecure 10 year old being called on in class for a question he probably would understand if he hadn’t spent the past 30 minutes laughing with Seongwoo. 

"Oh, I forgot to mention," The nervous, forced laugh. Seongwoo notes it. "I changed my mind, last minute. Like, last minute as in before we got here, but I forgot to mention it before. Surprise?" 

All 3 of them stare at him in disbelief this time. Minhyun's hand comes up to scratch his eyebrow.

Seongwoo knows he's lying. To be fair, the scratching-his-eyebrow-when-lying part is a tragic disadvantage for Minhyun (how often is an eyebrow actually itchy in day to day life?), but even without that he's a terrible liar.

"That makes no sense," Jonghyun deadpans. Seongwoo is unable to tell if he figured Minhyun is completely bluffing too. "You were so excited for it yesterday."

"People change," Minhyun insists and makes sure to avoid eye contact with Seongwoo who remains silent, observing. "I just really like it here. I'm going to go with Seongwoo."

The last sentence is too risky, Minhyun realises, when Jonghyun fails at holding in an “ah” of acknowledgment before turning to look at Seongwoo, expression somewhat smug. It’s common knowledge amongst them and most people around them that Minhyun and Seongwoo have a stronger attachment to each other, though unspoken—it had been apparent ever since the first day they had met. 

"Oh my god," Seongwoo blurts out, "No, Minhyun."

"No to what?"

"You're not—" He pauses, trying to figure out how to word his next statement without assuming too much. But if Seongwoo's suspicions are correct, he's not positive he'll be able to stop himself from hitting Minhyun. "You're not giving this up for me, Minhyun. You're not giving _anything_  up for me or anyone, actually."

Minhyun glances at the floor and silently curses himself for being the worst liar that's ever walked this earth, before looking back up at Seongwoo. “I don't want it that bad. It's just another college, I'll be happier here because I'm with people I'm comfortable with already." 

Seongwoo pretends to not hear the "and with you" mumbled under Minhyun's breath at the end, but his breath still hitches. It's true, Minhyun has said he doesn't really care that much which college he goes to, but he's mentioned how much he wants to go back to Busan at least for a while a number of times. 

"You're being stupid. This is stupid. Just go to Busan, I know how important it is to you. You're smarter than this." Seongwoo doesn't know why his voice is raised, but Minhyun's eyes narrow at his reaction, his expression somewhere between disbelief and hurt.

"I'm not being  _stupid,_ Seongwoo. If I don't want to go, who are you to tell me I do?"

"That's just—I don't have the right to tell you what to do, but you do want to go. You've always wanted to go, I don't understand why you're saying this." Seongwoo doesn't understand why Minhyun is being so defensive either, but it's hard to think straight with the way his blood is currently boiling in frustration. 

Minhyun doesn't say anything back, uncharacteristically silent once again. Seongwoo doesn't take his eyes off of him, waiting for him to say he's right, he's going to go to Busan like he's always wanted to.

Jonghyun and Minki are clearly unsure what to do, and Seongwoo doesn’t blame them. The situation is unfamiliar to them all—Seongwoo can recall fighting with Jonghyun over something stupid once, remembers arguing with Minki and Minki arguing with Jonghyun a few times and Minhyun arguing with Minki but never Minhyun arguing with him, him arguing with Seongwoo.

He wants to say something to save the atmosphere (cracking a joke either so bad or so absurd it can’t not ignite a reaction from everyone in the middle of a tense situation has always been a self-proclaimed role of his), but for the first time, he finds himself unable to.

There’s more tension in the air than he realises, apparently, because when Jonghyun and Minki get up to leave after a few minutes of unbearable silence, Jonghyun wears his "I don't know what I'm sorry for but I feel guilty so I'm sorry" expression, and Minki only smiles the most insincere smile Seongwoo’s ever seen on his friends face.

Seongwoo finds himself panicking internally when Minhyun gets up to leave wordlessly too, only a few minutes later, not even sparing him a glance.

 

 

Minki laughs in Seongwoo’s face the next day when he asks him anxiously if Minhyun had left for Busan already—they hadn't even graduated high school yet, how was he supposed make a dramatic escape from Seongwoo over a petty fight? (He tells him he was too scared to think logically, and Minki just laughs harder)

He doesn't see Minhyun for 2 weeks though, due to them being on school break, and Seongwoo doesn't want to admit how weird it feels. He forces himself (he was more willing that he'd like to admit, too) to make his way over to Minhyun's eventually, storming through the opened door without sparing him a glance.

"How much food do you have?"

"You came here just to eat food?"

"No, I'm making you food."

Minhyun guffaws at Seongwoo's antics, but makes himself comfortable on the couch anyway with no intention to stop him. "You can't even cook. But we have a bit of everything."

"I can cook better than you." Seongwoo retaliates sharply, gathering ingredients for the only meal he knows how to cook perfectly—pasta (he has cooked it for the others time and time again since he'd begged Aaron, now a good friend of theirs, to teach him what he calls the 'secret formula' to impress a date, yet Minhyun still insists everything he cooks taste like shit). He wants to turn around and look at Minhyun, but even the sound of his voice after 2 weeks kind of makes him want to scream. His laugh is a whole other story.

The banter ceases after this, the only sound in the apartment being Seongwoo's cluttering and faint chattering on the TV. Sometimes Minhyun lets out small reactions and not so small laughs, but Seongwoo focuses completely on the pasta, placing it on the table on the prettiest plates he can find when finished. He takes a minute to appreciate the coordinated cutlery and spotless surfaces around him, unable to say his at home look the same without straight up lying, before calling the other into the kitchen.

Minhyun trudges in with a smug expression that melts into one of appreciation when he takes the first bite, accompanied by a moan. Seongwoo figures he must have been really hungry, because what comes out isn't a (fake, because Seongwoo knows he loves it) complaint or comment about it being mediocre, but a "Where else can I eat pasta this good?"

"Nowhere. I'm stealing Aaron's title as Gordon Ramsay's successor," Seongwoo smirks despite the comment being a reminder that he didn't come to Minhyun's just to revel in his exaggerated praises, "I'm sure there'll be places in Busan that come close, though."

Minhyun glances up at the other with an unreadable look in his eyes and pasta-filled cheeks that resemble a chipmunk. Seongwoo almost lets out a snicker, but then they're out of his sight again, Minhyun digging back into the pasta as if he didn't look up in the first place, and a sigh comes out instead.

"I came to  _apologise_ ," he makes sure to emphasise the last word as if he's doing something groundbreaking, not used to having to apologise to Minhyun. Sure, they bicker most days, the line between playful and serious blurred as kids and angst filled preteens, but never enough to have to apologise to each other.

"For saying you were stupid, even though you _were_ being stupid—" 

"Seongwoo."

"I know, be quiet," Seongwoo cuts him off by holding a hand up, sighing once more for dramatic effect before continuing, "But I was being stupid too. God, I feel like a kid—”

”You  _are_ a kid.“

”Wow, okay, slow down,” Seongwoo says, the hand that was previously held up coming to rest on his chest in mock offence, “My reaction was stupid and no doubt affected your decision, so I'm sorry. I'm not asking if you accept my apology because you're eating it right now, which means you do."

"If you make this for everyone you have to apologise to you'll get away with murder," Minhyun says absentmindedly, wiping his mouth, "But I really don't know if I want to go to Busan anymore."

Seongwoo tries not to hit him (keyword:  _tries_ , because he does, a slap to the arm)."You're going to Busan, dumbass. There's no reason for you not to go to Busan, I know how much you miss it."

"But—it's been, like, _us_ for forever."

"We'll still talk and meet up as often as possible, it won't be that weird," Seongwoo lies through his teeth, startled by Minhyun's sudden sentimental tone. It’s ironic, he thinks, that now he's the one trying to comfort Minhyun. "Besides, you'll be with Minki. Jonghyun is the one who should be worrying here."

"You're worried too."

Seongwoo wants to psychically curl into himself at Minhyun's words paired with how he looks at him from across the table. Maybe he just hasn't payed enough attention to his best friends eyes before (he knows very well that's a lie but considers it anyway), but suddenly they feel so  _intense_ and Seongwoo feels so  _vulnerable,_ as if Minhyun is reading him as easily as one of the books he loses sleep over.

Maybe it's because they've never faced something that could potentially come between them, so used to their lives flowing smoothly beside each other with no worry in the world as far as their friendship is concerned. Not even Seongwoo’s yearn to kiss Minhyun sometimes, or the occasional appearance of the butterflies in his stomach that only seem to come out for Minhyun ever changed a thing.

In some ways it simply became a part of them (Seongwoo being a pro at ignoring and hiding feelings definitely helps), because no matter how many times Seongwoo finds himself looking at other guys, even dating a few, the feelings for Minhyun remain, whatever they may be. Seongwoo doesn't want to think about it much. He doesn't think about it much.

Minhyun cuts his off his rapidly spiraling thoughts before Seongwoo can deny the accusation. "I mean, I'm worried. I'll worry. About you, being away from you."

Seongwoo laughs, desperately pushing the growing feelings to the back of his mind with an audible gulp, willing Minhyun to fix his gaze on something else. "There's nothing to worry about. I have other friends, you know."

He ignores the part of him that knows that’s not what Minhyun means, resists the urge to reassure Minhyun that no one will ever quite fill the tall, loud space he leaves behind, not even Jaehwan (and not just because he doesn't fit the tall part). He's grateful when Minhyun laughs in return, shaking his head all of a sudden as if forcing himself out of a daze.

"Right, you can take care of yourself. Things won't change that much." He says, digging into his food once again. Seongwoo knows Minhyun is trying to reassure himself with the words, but he takes some for himself.

 

 

The day the others plan to leave comes quicker than Seongwoo would like, though he hadn't thought about it much. A bunch of their friends come to send them off, Aaron's impressively obnoxious fake crying a very welcomed distraction for Seongwoo and the heart in his throat.

It's good, he tells himself, they're going to study well, Minhyun is going to be in the place he always talks so fondly of. Growing is inevitable, whether it be growing up or growing apart.

It's harder to tell himself that when Minhyun pulls him aside, bringing him into his arms with a force Seongwoo didn't know the other was even capable of. He feels almost helpless, head tucked into the (slightly) taller's neck by a firm hand, but it's welcomed, warm, comforting—as much of a reminder that Minhyun is always going to be there as it is of what Seongwoo's going to be missing.

"I don't know why I'm so scared to leave," Minhyun says, accentuated by a squeeze. Honesty, Seongwoo notes, as if he's pocketing his favourite traits to keep for later—Minhyun has always been admirably honest, while Seongwoo has more often than not found himself covering any words bubbling in his throat that could possibly make him vulnerable with a chuckle and wave of his hand. "I'm being so dramatic. It's not like you're dying."

Seongwoo's chuckle is muffled into Minhyun's neck, hands finally finding their way around the other's shoulders. He's never been a touchy person, and though Minhyun has always liked to lean on the closest person to him when he laughs too hard, always revelled in people clinging onto him if he's not clinging onto someone himself, hugs between them were rare, saved for times when words weren't loud enough.

"Well, I _could_ die," Seongwoo says, aware that Minhyun can probably feel his smirk against his skin.

"You probably will," Minhyun remarks, "Set a building on fire or something. I should've asked Daniel to babysit you."

Seongwoo pulls away to make sure Minhyun sees the look of offence on his face, "Hey, Daniel is younger than me, and age doesn't equal maturity but he once told me he knows the entire toy story script from start to finish and I don't think you want to leave me with that. All 3 of them."

Minhyun shrugs with a grin and pulls him back in for another hug, fuelling Seongwoo's content sigh by rubbing his back gently, so gently. Something about how carefully he holds Seongwoo makes the latter feel small, taken care of, but Minhyun always has—made him feel taken care of, that is. He mentally notes to take the vitamins Minhyun had taken upon himself to constantly supply him with, teasing him about his weak body every time he brings them in a way that made Seongwoo stubbornly  _not_ take them. Ever.

"I'll go now, Minki's already in the car." Minhyun says casually, still clinging onto Seongwoo like he doesn't need to leave anytime soon (he does, though, if the driver beeping impatiently is any indicator).

When it's his turn to pull away, he takes Seongwoo's head gently between warm hands and leaves a kiss on the very top, too firm to be an accident or mistake. It's rushed, however and Seongwoo's first thought comes in the form of a realisation—he hasn't washed his hair in 4 days and oh god, Minhyun is probably overwhelmed by the smell of dry shampoo right now. 

Minhyun doesn't seem quite as confident when he turns around at lightning speed and practically waddles to the car, a stark contrast to his usual demeanour. Seongwoo just watches in half amusement, half confusion, already used to his heart beating unusually fast around his best friend; the hundreds of unwanted questions floating around in his head—the same head that still tingles from the surprise kiss—can be addressed later.

* * *

_clumsy._

Seongwoo wishes things happened as naturally as they seemed to be heading. Daniel does too—Daniel tells him he could write the most romantic novel based on their life and become rich enough to send them both to live on a private island where they'd never have to be apart if things had gone smoother.

But there's nothing smooth in the way Minhyun surprises him at a party 5 months after leaving for Busan, drunk out of his mind, wet lips everywhere on Seongwoo's face except his lips, before even greeting the other. Despite the amount of time Seongwoo had spent thinking about the other's lips in his lifetime, this was neither pleasurable or new—the first and only other time Minhyun had got drunk, he had greeted multiple strangers with an attempted kiss somewhere on their face too, even successfully landing one on a random guy’s neck that Minhyun insisted he knew well (Spoiler: he didn’t. Though apparently he was in Seongwoo’s science class, and ended up asking Seongwoo for his ‘hot friend that half attacked me last night’’s number the next morning. Seongwoo had politely declined).

Seongwoo, torn between giving into the immense happiness he feels to see the other not through a screen or scolding him or someone else for letting the biggest lightweight to ever step foot on earth get drunk (Minhyun could do what he wants, maybe he had miraculously found a love for alcohol while being away that could save him from having to look after a whiney Seongwoo every time he gets drunk by whining  _with_ him instead, but not even a Minhyun with a love for alcohol and a higher tolerance in some alternative universe would let himself get _this_ drunk. Minhyun has always liked being in control of himself), grabs his shoulders in an attempt to get a better view of Minhyun’s face and lipread through the deafening music playing. He doesn’t succeed, and ends up having to pull him into the kitchen.

"Minhyun? You didn’t tell me you were coming, I would’ve—” He pauses unwillingly, not even knowing himself what he’s trying to say. He would’ve—organised a parade to greet him as he drives down the road in the musty uber? Truthfully, he doesn’t completely disregard the ridiculous thought even after he scoffs to himself, because he missed Minhyun so much that even that would seem worth it. “You’re drinking too? Who are you?”

Minhyun just laughs, hopping up onto a counter and knocking a glass over with his butt in the process. "I wanted to drink _just_ ," He pauses to inhale, and if Seongwoo wasn't aware of how out of it Minhyun is right now, he'd think he was mocking him, " _Just_  for tonight and I couldn't find you, so I did and then went to look for you again. And I found you this time, hi."

He watches Seongwoo intently with a goofy, mischievous grin on his lips, and though Seongwoo missed him and his goddamn presence that holds more power over Seongwoo's heart than anyone should, the look is starting to unsettle him.

He finds out why the other had looked at him that way when Minhyun lunges forward, practically attacking him with his lips. In some ways, it's exactly how Seongwoo had imagined—he's still panicking (although he always expected himself to be the one to give in and initiate a kiss while ruining their whole friendship in the process), still feels immense fondness for his best friend, but in most ways it's completely different—Minhyun is leaning  _on_ him uncomfortably as if he's too tired to stand up, lips puckered in an extremely unattractive manner. Even the hooded lids of pretty eyes that would probably drive Seongwoo crazy in any other situation can't save the overwhelming messiness of the kiss.

He backs away quickly, his head practically curling into itself and creating the most unattractive double chin as he tries to avoid the lips while still staring stupidly at them because, what the fuck is up with Minhyun and his surprises recently? He still finds himself reluctant to part for a moment, despite the pungent smell of alcohol Minhyun carries that leaves Seongwoo feeling sorry for any hookups he's had while drunk in the past (Sorry Hyunbin from math).

He does pull away though and Minhyun  _whines_ , a whole childlike whine that sounds strangely like the whine Seongwoo overheard once when Minhyun had face timed his younger cousin just to tease him about the new "In A Relationship" post that had popped up on his facebook profile. Seongwoo sighs (half a shaky exhale to remind himself to focus on getting Minhyun home rather than the fact that Minhyun had just _kissed_ him), the small smile gracing his lips betraying him, and places his hands on Minhyun's shoulders, holding him up so he doesn't hurt his back slumping against the counter. "How are you this far gone already? Is Minki here?"

Minhyun shrugs, a light blush on his cheeks. "I'm not, I feel fine, really good.  _Really_ good. Minki isn't here." He tilts his head slightly, "Why are you holding me up? Let's go dance, Ong. You haven't danced in so long."

Seongwoo laughs in disbelief, both at the evident slur in his voice and the fact that he seems to think Seongwoo hasn't danced the whole time he's been away. Maybe drunk Minhyun has just forgotten they've been apart—Seongwoo is surprised he even remembers his own name at this point. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Minhyun's eyebrows are furrowed now, pulling his line of sight away from the people dancing and back to Seongwoo. His voice is concerned suddenly, confusion written all over his face and Seongwoo just hums questioningly, humouring him. “You loved dancing, didn't you? Why don't you dance anymore? I want to go dance."

"Okay," Seongwoo says, Minhyun's face lighting up as soon as he agrees, "We can go dance tomorrow. I'll take you to the new studio after you rest."

But Seongwoo wants to dance too. Seongwoo wants to dance with Minhyun—He did come to the party to _party_  after all, and he’s tipsy at most (definitely not as much as he’d like to be). He can’t help but consider the possibility of Minhyun being pressured to drink and regretting it tomorrow though, and right now that’s all he can think about, over the fact that he’s started to sound a lot like Minhyun and the way he nags over things that are usually too small to be worth getting worked up over.

There’s plenty more parties Seongwoo is more than willing to attend if this new Minhyun is permanent, anyway. 

"That's not—" Seongwoo's grin grows when Minhyun stumbles over his words. He whines again and hops off the counter, shrugging off Seongwoo's hands with a violent shake of his shoulders that goes on for longer than necessary. "That's not what I mean. I love this song, _please_ , Seongwoo."

Seongwoo knows for a fact Minhyun is lying, because the song playing is the latest comeback by some girl group and the most up to date Minhyun ever is with the charts is the latest OST. But Seongwoo gives in and watches the other dance beside him like the loud uncle at every family party for a while, because maybe, just _maybe_ , the person he's spent most of his life with and should probably be immune to by now has him wrapped around his (small for a man his size—Seongwoo makes sure to always tease him for it) finger.

Maybe the blindingly bright grin Minhyun gives him after he agrees with a roll of his eyes brings the realisation that, okay, maybe he would do absolutely anything Minhyun asked him to, in the form of a sharp but not entirely unpleasant tug in his chest. It's similar to how Seongwoo had felt when witnessing a beautiful sunrise for the first time, a strong feeling of awe yet longing at the same time, knowing the sunrise was going to disappear again and he couldn't sit around admiring it for as long as he pleased.

Coincidentally, Minhyun was with him that time too, a typical night for two preteens who think that staying up all night a few times is the most exciting thing in the world until their parents remind them to do their homework the next day and it psychically kills them to keep their eyes open (and, in Minhyun's case only, they're too disappointed in themselves to admit they haven't slept all night).

Seongwoo remembers glancing at Minhyun as they peaked out of his bedroom window, searching for the same awe in the other. He had found it, only presented in a more graceful way than Seongwoo's squeals, Minhyun's mouth in a slight 'o' shape with wide, curious eyes, not shifting his gaze for even a moment.

Seongwoo thinks that if the same scenario were to happen now, the admiration in his chest would exist solely because of the person beside him instead, but back then all he remembers is being relieved that Minhyun felt the same excitement as him. 

When he finally convinces Minhyun to come back to his apartment (after the draining task of cutting every conversation started with either of them at the party as short as possible), Minhyun falls asleep as soon as Seongwoo pushes him a little too forcefully on his bed, with no intention other than to get the other to sleep. Seongwoo has never dealt with a drunk Minhyun, or a drunk  _anyone,_ but figures sleeping is always a reliable plan in any situation.

He doesn't know what to do when light snores begin to fill the room, both overwhelmed and underwhelmed by the situation. Ideally, he'd rather see Minhyun for the first time in 5 months with neither of them intoxicated, and ideally, he'd rather the first (and probably only, nothing more than a spontaneous drunk move) kiss they share be a lot less—like  _that_. Maybe a little longer. 

But the night is already passing, and after practically wrapping Minhyun up with the half of the blanket he isn't lying on and leaving some pills and a bottle of water on the side incase he wakes up first, Seongwoo curls himself into a ball beside the sleeping burrito in an attempt to warm himself up with not even a corner of the blanket big enough for them both.

(He realises a few moments later that there's plenty of spare blankets in the cupboard, and sleeps a little more comfortably.)

 

 

Minhyun scolds Seongwoo (quietly, because his throbbing headache wouldn't appreciate a loud voice right now) for allowing himself to sleep with a much thinner blanket than him when he wakes up the next morning. He apologises for getting so drunk and ruining Seongwoo’s fun (to which Seongwoo replies with an elegantly simple “shut up”), reassures him that no one forced any drinks on him, that he just tasted a drink that he didn’t totally hate and allowed himself to give into the atmosphere of the party (”Never again. I liked my lifestyle before.” He mumbles after vomiting for the 3rd time) while looking for Seongwoo, and things continue as normal. It's almost like Minhyun never left.  _Almost._

Almost, because Seongwoo has, admittedly, fallen head over heels. He's so far gone, so fond of the other, that now it's just too much to ignore. He prays that Minhyun doesn't notice the obvious shift in his personality and the way he flinches when Minhyun reaches closer, usually to drape himself over him because post-Busan Minhyun is apparently a lot clingier with Seongwoo especially, or  _only._

Minhyun doesn't show any signs of realising, but at this point Seongwoo has convinced himself that Minhyun is just pretending not to know, because Seongwoo feels like vulnerability personified. 

5 months. 5 months of facetiming most days a week because going from spending so much time with each other to hardly contacting at all was not in either of their plans, yet neither was letting their friendship die out gradually—so the facetiming never stopped, even if they had nothing to say that particular day. On one side, it passed quickly (college doesn’t allow you to think much about things that don’t have a deadline and cause you what feels like the greatest headache to have ever been caused purely by stress), but on the other side, someone could tell either of them it had been 5 years and it wouldn’t be completely unbelievable.

Nothing compares to Minhyun being around him, the way his heart somehow relaxes due to the presence of the familiar home that reminds him of nothing but good times because Minhyun has always been _good_ , so good to him and Seongwoo just wants to scream. He wishes they had never had to be apart so maybe he wouldn't have had to confront how much he cares for the other, and how he's quite possibly falling (or  _fallen_ ) in love with his best friend.

* * *

_unsteady._

It's the last night before Minhyun's due to leave again, and Minki (who was in fact at the party, only floating around like the social butterfly he is) had gathered them all for a half-assed party (alternatively, a bunch of newly turned adults with some older exceptions lounging around with a limited amount of alcohol and various noise coming from anything that ranged from a loud yet somehow completely sober Daniel, a variety show on tv or music video from someone's laptop). Jonghyun is due to arrive a few days later, but since Minki and Minhyun have to leave again before he even gets there, they can't afford to wait. Seongwoo won't say no to another half-assed party a few days later.

Despite Minki being the one to arrange it, they decide to hold it at Jaehwan and Hyunbin’s apartment since, in the words of Minhyun, it's already a mess so the difference won't be that noticeable if they trash the place. 

It's Jaehwan who suggests they play spin the bottle, and the whole room collectively  _groans_ , the most harmonious sound to ever come from the group. "What?" Jaehwan almost yells out of pure offence, "No dicks will be sucked, the straights in the room can stop shaking."

”It’s not that,” Aaron begins, clearly feeling personally called out by the statement, “It’s just childish. No one past the age of 14 plays spin the bottle and I’m way past the age of 14, if you couldn’t tell.”

Daniel snorts in the corner where he's sat on a beanbag, but immediately stops when he realises the room is completely silent and half of the group has now turned to look at him. "Okay," Daniel begins cautiously since he now accidentally has their attention, "How about truth or dare? Since some of us clearly can't _handle_  the thought of kissing another m—"

"Nope," Minki cuts him off, suddenly walking in from the kitchen with an empty bottle of something Seongwoo doesn't recognise in his hand, taking a seat on the couch next to Minhyun, "We're playing spin the bottle. The only one even slightly straight in this room right now is Aaron hyung and did you or did you not make the same mistake as me and say you'd date me in English on the phone to one of your friends when you thought I wouldn't understand?"

They all burst into laughter bar Hyunbin who has his mouth open in surprise when Aaron turns bright red, the latter's protests buried under the noise of Jaehwan’s exaggerated cheers and Minki's playful tuts.

"Whatever," Aaron chokes out, dropping onto the floor like a child accepting defeat, "Fine. Let's play spin the bottle."

Daniel smirks triumphantly despite not being the one to suggest the game. "Same rules as always, then? You refuse, you drink."

As soon as Jaehwan spins the bottle for the first time, Minhyun's mood visibly drops (not that Seongwoo is  _watching_ him or anything, he just  _happened_ to glance at him at that moment in time, he swears) if the way he chews on his bottom lip is anything to go by. Seongwoo is sitting on the side of him Minki isn't accompanying, so it's not a surprise that he can feel the way Minhyun uncomfortably stirs not once, twice, but three times as the bottle slows to a stop.

Seongwoo nudges Minhyun's thigh with his own to get his attention, and the latter turns to look at him with wide eyes that could easily be passed off as questioning if Seongwoo didn't know him so well. It's not often he sees him anything but comfortable and happy around others, so even just small signs of something being off sets off alarms in Seongwoo's head. Seongwoo tilts his head slightly, not wanting to bring any attention to them by asking directly if he's okay—the room is still kind of quiet, focused on the bottle as it chooses a second target. Minhyun lets go of his bottom lip, and Seongwoo hears him sigh softly as if he's been caught by just a small gesture.

Minhyun glances at the others, feels the couch dip beside him as Minki rushes to hold Jaehwan down for Hyunbin to plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and deems it safe to literally hop over the back of the couch. He trips over a beanbag left in the middle of the floor and looks back at Seongwoo with his lips shut tight in an effort not to laugh at himself, and Seongwoo takes it as a sign to follow, stifling his own laugh and the urge to call Minhyun stupid. Minhyun only halts when he finds what he assumes is a guest room, closing the door quietly before them both.

"Whatever you have to tell me is too important for the kitchen?" Seongwoo asks, mirroring the way Minhyun is leaning on a wall. He's temped to sit on the bed, but there's no way he can leave with the covers as creaseless as they were when they came in if he does.

"Maybe," Minhyun says, "I'm not confident you won't throw hands and I don't wanna get blood in the kitchen."

"But you're willing to get blood all over the only spotless room in Jaehwan's place?"

Minhyun hums as if he's considering something. "You can deal with that when I’m dead and you’re trying not to get thrown in jail for murder."

Seongwoo huffs playfully and lets his back slip down the wall until his butt hits the floor. He hears Minhyun scoff before following him down only seconds later and allows a fond smile to creep onto his lips, turning to confront the other. "Fess up, then. Who did you kill?" When Minhyun doesn't reply, Seongwoo narrows his eyes, "Did you get into a gang? Do you owe someone money for drugs? Because, no offence, but I'm a broke college student too so if you're looking for help from me then, you're fucked."

"None of those, but thanks for the reassurance that if I ever did fuck my life up like that, you'd be there for me." Minhyun accuses, rolling his eyes with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Please," Seongwoo retorts, letting himself slip down further until he's lounging on his back on the floor in the most lazy fashion possible; half an excuse to gaze up at Minhyun, half pure dramatics. He's a little too lanky for the cramped space between the bed and the wall, so he's forced to rest his head on Minhyun's lap—which wouldn't be a problem if Seongwoo's feelings hadn't heightened dramatically since he'd experienced a life without him around and Minhyun's hand wasn't finding it's way into his hair automatically. "Hwang Minhyun? Drugs?"

"Busan changes a person," Minhyun plays along, grinning when Seongwoo laughs, a sound he can't escape as Seongwoo's whole face contorts into pure happiness for a moment directly below him. "I'm coming back though—here, I'm transferring."

Seongwoo furrows his eyebrows but Minhyun pushes him back down by the shoulders when he tries to get up. "What? Why? Not for me, right?"

"No," Minhyun reassures, and now that Seongwoo can tell he isn't lying by how he meets his gaze confidently, he allows himself to relax and let a little bit of the happiness that's been threatening to come out ever since Minhyun had said the words 'coming back' consume him, "Busan wasn't what I expected. I mean, it's the same but, I think I expected some sort of huge, positive change when all my family is back here. It doesn't feel like home, in a sense. And college was just college."

Seongwoo tries to cover the grin that spreads unwillingly across his face, feels almost guilty for being happy but Minhyun is above him, telling him with the soft voice he has grown accustomed to that he's not leaving the next morning like he's supposed to for another 5 or more months—hiding his happiness isn't easy. Minhyun only grins back questioningly and starts laughing when Seongwoo mirrors the way his eyebrows are raised.

"You're not mad? You have that stupid grin you always do when you get something you want." Minhyun says through laughter, and Seongwoo thinks he's going to die, his grin only merging into a beam of fondness at the way Minhyun's eyes have almost completely closed. 

"If it's what you want," Minhyun begins to thread his fingers through the strands of Seongwoo's hair the moment the latter speaks up, and he has to pause to regain his composure before continuing, "Why would I be mad? I guess I can put up with you again for a while. It was peaceful without you though." Minhyun rolls his eyes for the 2nd time at the remark and pulls on Seongwoo's hair slightly in a way that could be considered suggestive but is just genuinely painful.

"Asshole," Seongwoo reaches his up to soothe his head, but Minhyun pushes his hands away, continues stroking his hair gently himself in contrast to the smirk on his face. They fall into a comfortable silence but Seongwoo finds himself  _too_ comfortable, has to break it before Minhyun notices the lovestruck expression probably written all over his face right now. "Is Minki staying?"

"Yeah, he's prospering over there," Minhyun states, chuckling to himself, "Got himself admirers that leave him love letters and all that stuff too. I didn't know people actually did that."

"In _College_?" Seongwoo accuses, surprised but not completely—Minki has always been admired by just about anyone with a face like that, though he doesn't realise it himself and Seongwoo doesn't see it much anymore. He's seen his face way too many times (his mind argues that that should be the case with Minhyun too, but its just  _different_ ). 

"No one I've caught leaving things for him has looked older than a high school student, so not really." 

"That was all you had to tell me? No one died?" Seongwoo huffs a short laugh through his nose when Minhyun nods, "Let's go back out. We need to remind The Busan's Treasure of our existence before he goes back and leaves us for his pubescent fans."

Minhyun hums as if agreeing, but makes no effort to move when Seongwoo sits up. He seems distracted again, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth for the 2nd time, so Seongwoo takes it upon himself to poke his leg repeatedly until he speaks up. A speechless Minhyun is never a good sign either. When he eventually speaks up with a "Can't we stay here for a bit longer? Spin the bottle is boring anyway.", Seongwoo sighs in contrast to the way his heart maybe skips a beat or two (It's really ridiculous at this point, Seongwoo thinks—how many hours has he spent alone with him in the past again?—mentally scolding his own heart).

"They have to have noticed we're gone by now.” He retorts but finds himself taking a seat back down next to him anyway. Minhyun turns to look at him despite the gap between them being so small their noses almost touch, as if something else is itching at the back of his throat, on the tip of his tongue waiting to be said, and he's just waiting for the right moment.

Seongwoo snickers out loud at his own thoughts—he's the one itching to say something, it should be his eyes flickering down to Minhyun's lips instead of the other way round and wait—why is Minhyun looking at his lips, tongue peeping out to subtly wet the bottom lip that's already a little flushed from the chewing earlier? His heart definitely skips way more than 2 beats this time.

Why Minhyun slots their lips together cautiously, seemingly losing his initial hesitance as soon as they touch, warm hand coming up to cup Seongwoo's jaw, Seongwoo doesn't know. He's aware that he's motionless right now, and he can't figure out whether everything is happening too fast or slow, but the pleased, shaky sigh that escapes his lips when Minhyun pulls away ever so slightly to gauge Seongwoo's reaction is a sign for both of them. 

Minhyun doesn't take his eyes off Seongwoo's, and Seongwoo has to blink a few times when he finds his own going blurry due to the lack of distance between them. He knows Minhyun's eyes are asking silently, unsure if this is okay, and Seongwoo laughs, out of context and a little too loud for how close Minhyun is, at the irony of Minhyun asking for permission for something Seongwoo has desired for so long.

But as always, Minhyun is patient. His lips turn up at the corner at Seongwoo's outburst but he doesn't pull away, doesn't tear his line of sight away from Seongwoo's lips quickly when his eyes fall again as if it's a mistake and he shouldn't be doing this. Seongwoo wishes he could understand more of Minhyun's thoughts from his eyes alone to find the long awaited answers he's searching for, because no matter how many times he repeatedly tells himself mentally to just go with it, he still finds his breaths coming out heavily, thick, and not just because of the intimacy. 

"Are you drunk again?" Seongwoo half-jokes despite knowing Minhyun won't be drinking, regretting it as soon as the words leave his lips. The glow in Minhyun's eyes flickers, and he backs away hesitantly with a choke of what sounds vaguely like "sorry", like he doesn't want to acknowledge Seongwoo's words and pull away. Seongwoo doesn't want to either. "Minhyun."

His name leaves Seongwoo's lips like a plead, surprising himself, and Minhyun's eyes that still haven't left his widen subtly in curiosity. Seongwoo sees the panic, acknowledges the worry on his face in the form of a trembling lip, but focuses solely on the way his eyes wait for him, somehow putting Seongwoo's feelings first even in a situation like this where Minhyun is vulnerable himself. His ears are bright red, and Seongwoo knows from experience they're hot to the touch, but there's a light pink tint on his cheeks that Seongwoo isn't as familiar with. Seongwoo thinks there's a possibility he might've just fallen in love all over again, because finding a blush  _this_ endearing can't be normal.

Minhyun opens his mouth to say something but Seongwoo leans closer with a mumble of "fuck it" before he can, tilts his head as if he's going for a kiss. He stops himself right before their slightly parted lips touch and brings a hand to Minhyun's jaw, just like the latter had done to him. He lets their breaths mingle for a second, both of their shaky breathing only adding to the way the room suddenly seems to heat up, almost suffocating. It's one last unspoken question, allowing Minhyun to pull away and excuse himself if this isn't really what he wants.

"I don't know why you're doing this—we're not supposed to do this," Seongwoo makes sure not to stop caressing his jaw lightly with a thumb, just so Minhyun knows he isn't finished, "But I hope you're not fucking around because I want to kiss you so badly right now, it's not even funny."

But Minhyun laughs like it  _is_ funny, before gaining confidence through Seongwoo's words and closing the gap once more. Seongwoo practically melts in the way both of Minhyun's hands come up to cup his face this time, the way he kisses so languidly yet so firm, the way he tastes faintly like the gross drink Seongwoo always makes sure to gag at when Minhyun gets it out of the fridge (it's not exactly pleasant, a weird mix of mango and—watermelon?—but Seongwoo can admit it doesn't taste too bad when accompanied by Minhyun's lips).

He tries to focus on making Minhyun feel good, because having Minhyun this close to him is the most exhilarating feeling Seongwoo thinks he will ever feel in his life, and he wants Minhyun to feel it too. Still unsure of the reason behind Minhyun's actions, he promises to at least make the kiss worthwhile—he notes how the hand not caressing Seongwoo's jaw comes up to grip on his waist as if Minhyun needs more leverage when he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, revels in the way Minhyun's breath hitches when he bites lightly. Maybe, if it's good enough, Minhyun will want to let him kiss him again, and again, and maybe even a 3rd time.

Minhyun groans into his mouth when Seongwoo speeds up the pace, though not too fast and not with any intention other than to  _feel_ Minhyun, to make the most of having his best friend in a way he never thought he would. He tries to clamber into his lap, but with them both being on the floor and Seongwoo not being the smallest of people, he practically crushes Minhyun's legs in the process and Minhyun has to pull away to let out the laugh mixed with a moan of pain that's bubbling in his throat.

"Okay, wow—" Minhyun says through light pants, a small, blissful smile on his lips.

"Can we move? To the bed, anywhere more comfortable." Seongwoo blurts out, moves his hands up to Minhyun's hair, successfully given into his temptation completely and replaced his own panic with thoughts of _Minhyun, Minhyun, Minhyun,_ only Minhyun's lips and Minhyun's skin and Minhyun's gentle hands. Minhyun's beauty feels unfair even to Seongwoo, the self-proclaimed most handsome of all their friends—his eyes are hooded over in a way so enticing that it shouldn't even be possible, and Seongwoo feels hypnotised. 

"Seongwoo," Minhyun begins with a sigh, and Seongwoo doesn't like the change in his tone, "I think we need to talk, I don't want this to—"

"We don't need to talk," Seongwoo interrupts with a nervous laugh, suddenly brought back to the reality that yes, he did just kiss his best friend who he happens to be in love with who happens to  _not_ be in love with him back. "There's nothing to talk about. I just wanted to kiss you, it's nothing. You know I've always said you were handsome. Dudes being dudes, you know. That stuff."

"Seongwoo," Minhyun says his name amusedly this time, "You know I'm the one that kissed you, right? I wanted to kiss you."

Seongwoo pauses. "You kissed m—oh, yeah, I knew that. You kissed me. I didn't kiss you. Right."

"And I don't regr—"

"Seongwoo? Oh, hey." This particular call of his name is so much less pleasant than any of the times Minhyun had said it that it psychically hurts Seongwoo, and he fails to hold in a groan at the sight of Jaehwan bursting into the room. "I see you guys got into the game well, then." 

The blush on Minhyun's face deepens quicker than he will ever admit.

* * *

  _home_.

Seongwoo allows himself to drink to his hearts content when Jaehwan pulls both Minhyun and Seongwoo back into the living room casually like he didn't just catch them post-making out, because  _shit_ , if he didn't deserve it after the emotional rollercoaster of the last hour then he doesn't know who does. The last thing he remembers clearly when he wakes up is watching Minhyun refuse to kiss Jaehwan, and he vaguely remembers sighing out loud in relief—Seongwoo knows drunk him probably wouldn't be able to stop himself proclaiming his jealousy for the whole room and it's confused members to hear if Minhyun was to kiss someone else that night. 

He figures nothing too terrible happened after when he wakes up on the couch with the softest blanket he's ever seen in his life draped over him, the room somehow almost spotless bar one empty bottle lying lonely on it's side on the table in front of him. The room spins for a moment as soon as he opens his eyes so he shuts them again, prays the headache that he's bound to get in 1, 2, 3—there's the first throb, ouch—isn't too bad. He isn't sure how long he lies there half-awake alone in the room, but the unusual serenity is broken when Minki comes stumbling in, half his head peaking out of the t-shirt he had apparently just shoved on.

Seongwoo watches in silence for a good few minutes, disorientated, eyes blurry and limbs aching from sleeping in the same cramped position, while Minki flails around noisily as if there's an urgent reason. It only hits Seongwoo that there  _is_ an urgent reason when Minki answers the phone hurriedly and mentions something about being somewhere soon to pick up his stuff to who Seongwoo assumes is his older brother.

"You—" Seongwoo tries to speak but his voice comes out raspy, half choked up from sleep and half because of the way he's laughing in pure disbelief. He has to cough before continuing, "You have to leave this morning and you're still in Jaehwan's apartment."

Minki throws a sock at him before running towards Seongwoo to take the sock back after realising he needs that sock on his foot. "Stop being a pain even when you've just woke up with a hangover and help me find my shoes."

"They're where you left them. In the back." Seongwoo mumbles, reaching around for his phone before he even thinks about getting off the couch.

"You don't think I've looked? They're not there."

"I moved them," A dishevelled looking Minhyun announces, walking straight past them and into the kitchen with a hand rubbing tired eyes, "They're in the cupboard. Seongwoo, if you're wondering where your shirt is, I put it in the laundry." Minki groans Minhyun's name unappreciatively before zooming back out of the room.

"My shirt—" Seongwoo glances down, realising Minhyun is right and he in fact doesn't have a shirt on. "Oh, I don't have a shirt on. Why exactly don't I have a shirt on?" 

He's grateful for the brief distraction of his own bare torso, stealing his focus from the way his stomach twists in fear of the unknown at the sight of Minhyun momentarily, but the other is already making his way back into the living room by the time he looks up again. He's holding a glass of water with pills in the other hand, and Seongwoo briefly wonders if Minhyun had somehow drank before the kiss and Seongwoo had just fucked everything up completely by kissing him back.

"Take these, you big mess," Minhyun drops the pills into the blanket that still lies on Seongwoo's lap and hands the glass of water over, taking a seat next to him. "You just said you were hot and took your shirt off. It wasn't hot but we couldn't force you to put it back on even when you got goosebumps."

Seongwoo visibly relaxes at the confirmation that the pills weren't for Minhyun, and that he probably didn't drink. "And then I fell asleep?"

"Basically. This is the only blanket I could find for you. You were the only one who actually drank a lot, there was hardly any alcohol left for anyone else," Minhyun confirms, stretching, "And now we're the only ones in the house and I have no idea where everyone else is."

"I was wondering where everyone was," Minki reappears, looking a lot more put together than the previous time, shoes successfully on his feet. "I texted Hyunbin asking and he just told me it was okay to use the shower. I didn't even ask to use the shower. And Jaehwan left me on read."

"I'm going to take that as permission for me too and go take a shower." Seongwoo says, placing the empty glass of water he had downed with the pills on the table. It seems to bring Minhyun's attention to the empty bottle beside it, so he picks both of them up and takes them both into the kitchen and a slash of appreciation runs through Seongwoo's chest. 

"I'm pretty sure he specifically said everyone can use the shower except Ong Seongwoo," Minhyun yells over the sound of water running, "Can we go get lunch after? I'm starving."

"I wish I had time to join you," Minki half-moans, probably at the thought of food (Seongwoo would be concerned if it was for any other reason), "I'm about to miss my flight."

Minhyun makes a noise of acknowledgement like he had just remembered what was going on, and drops whatever he's doing to practically jump on Minki's back in a suffocating hug. "I'll miss you. Take care of yourself. Expect a call from me tonight or tomorrow." Minki pushes him off in a way that makes the exaggerated choking noises and gasps for air almost believable, but neither Seongwoo or Minhyun are blind to the small smile on his face.

Seongwoo admittedly finds it a lot harder to transfer the honest thoughts in his head to his mouth without cringing, so despite knowing he's going to miss Minki, he only ends up spewing a short "Don't fall in love with any high schoolers". Minki laughs genuinely at the outburst before waving quickly and rushing out the door and that's always enough for Seongwoo.

"Can Daniel come out for lunch with us?" Seongwoo asks, halfway through the bathroom door already.

"Did he ask?" There's no accusation in Minhyun's tone, but Seongwoo knows that Minhyun knows he's trying to make things easier for himself—neither of them have forgotten despite Minhyun's obvious efforts to continue things as normal (another slash of appreciation runs through Seongwoo's chest, only accompanied with fondness and love this time).

"Yeah, he texted me." Seongwoo lies through his teeth, endlessly glad he isn't in the same room and Minhyun can't see straight through him like he always does. Minhyun replies with a chirpy 'okay', and that’s that. Seongwoo figures he won’t be finding out his motives for the kiss anytime soon.

 

 

The 2nd (or 3rd, but both Seongwoo and Minhyun mutually agree not to think about the first, drunken one) kiss happens when Seongwoo finds he can't take it anymore. It's too many small acts of care, too many hidden shared smiles, too many bursts of happiness throughout his whole body when he makes Minhyun laugh that's completely different to the way he feels when it's others.

It happens somewhat accidentally. Jonghyun had arrived only the day before, so Minhyun and Jonghyun had came over to watch a movie. Jonghyun had left the room to answer a call that could possibly be an emergency—everything was normal, so normal, but then Seongwoo had said something stupid that made Minhyun fall back onto the couch with laughter and Seongwoo could feel himself falling, feelings and smart choices blurred together until saying what was dancing on the tip of his tongue felt like the only smart choice.

"You have a really nice laugh." He had blurted out.

Maybe it shouldn't have been a big deal, Minhyun has always been complimented for his smile and laughter, but Minhyun always _knows_. His breath hitches and his lips fall, smile nothing but a memory and Seongwoo regrets saying it only for the fact that Minhyun is no longer laughing and he wants to hear him laugh again. If Minhyun had taken the risk of kissing him, this time he'll take the plunge. 

In that moment, when Seongwoo swears he can psychically feel the air in the room thicken, he feels, in some ways, like the bond he shares with the other is presented in front of him. In what object or shape, he doesn’t know, his mind is too hazy to make things _poetic_ and shit (alternatively: he can't stop thinking about the way Minhyun just blinked really cutely and now has forgot how to form a coherent sentence), but he’s aware enough to know he feels like the entire weight of their friendship is on his shoulders, in his hands.

He can drop it when he goes for this and potentially watch it smash into pieces, or he can stay carrying it. And in all honesty, it’s getting too heavy (and not just because Seongwoo is weak)—he needs Minhyun’s help, he needs _Minhyun._  

"I like it when you laugh, or like—I like you making you laugh, I think—" Or he'll _try_ to take the plunge, because now he's a stuttering mess and brushing around the real words he wants to say and Minhyun is looking at him so intently he has to look away to find his words again. "I want to kiss you again. I liked kissing you."

Minhyun looks half disappointed when Seongwoo looks back, and the latter sighs in frustration, throws himself back into the couch dramatically. He closes his eyes, heart running a marathon. "This is really fucking hard. How do people do this?"

"Do what?"

"Say that they  _like_ someone," Seongwoo blurts out again, fuelled by adrenaline, "This is nothing like movies or the stupid romantic book I had to read for class once."

"I'll do it for you."

Seongwoo can feel a hesitant hand hovering by one of his hands and he cracks an eye open, the other one shortly following when he meets Minhyun's eyes. He's not sure Minhyun understands what he's trying to say, though he feels like he's being obvious enough. Minhyun is too _calm_ , isn't looking at him weirdly or in shock. Seongwoo suddenly finds it hard to breathe. "Don't fuck around with me, please. And no, I wouldn't let you do it because you're all cool and romantic and it would put me and my stuttering to shame."

"You think too highly of me," Minhyun replies, taking hold of Seongwoo's hand firmly now as if he's about to take over, but Seongwoo pulls his hand away, determined.

"I like being around you," Seongwoo admits, speaking too fast in order to get it over and done with and face the consequences already, "but I don't think I'm supposed to like it as much as I do. I don't think I'm supposed to enjoy kissing you and being close to you and being taken care of by you as much as I do. I don't think any of this is normal and it's scary and frustrating because I don't want things to change and I don't even know why I'm saying this and potentially ruining everything—"

"Seongwoo, you're the most oblivious person I've ever met in my life," The voice that wakes Seongwoo up from his attempt of a confession definitely isn't Minhyun—the owner is much smaller in frame, leans on the wall opposite them and goes by the name of Kim Jonghyun. "I was going to leave the room straight away and let you struggle but the first thing I hear is that last line. Please use your brain more. Good luck."

Jonghyun sounds so frustrated that Seongwoo does stop to take in the sight of Minhyun before him, watching Seongwoo intently with no hint of amusement on his face. He had recently dyed his hair back to a shade of black that makes Seongwoo think back to younger, simpler times, to Minhyun who has always been a constant in his life, slightly different to the others. When Seongwoo would get too boisterous for the other kids and Minhyun would pull him away to play whatever Seongwoo wanted, or a teacher would mistake Seongwoo's humour for bad intentions and poke at him a little too much and Minhyun would bring the attention to him by saying something even more shocking (For 12 year old Minhyun with chubby cheeks and homework always on time if not early, this was a big deal).

He suddenly remembers the time he had broken his arm, and Minhyun had kissed his cast at the hospital claiming it would cure him. It’s an unusually funny memory, and Seongwoo still isn’t sure why. He had yelled at him later when he was sent home with his arm still in a cast, claiming that he was mad that he kissed him because it was gross—he wonders if he’ll ever tell Minhyun the real reason, that he believed him and was disappointed it didn’t actually fix him, not that he had kissed it.

It's small memories that urge Seongwoo to take in the delicate features of Minhyun's face, resisting the urge to reach out and touch just yet, and say everything he's wanted to say. If Minhyun decides it's too much and he never wants to talk to Seongwoo ever again, Seongwoo will at least try his hardest before.

"I like you more than is normal for best friends," Seongwoo half-whispers, sits up taller in an effort to make himself look more confident, "I have for a long time, but then you left and life was, for lack of a better word, shit without you and I realised I  _really_ , really like you. Stop smiling at me, I'm trying to make sense and this isn't helping. You look stupid."

Minhyun lets out one short burst of laughter, covers his mouth after and Seongwoo sighs dramatically, for once not appreciating Minhyun's tendency to laugh at anything he does. 

"Can I take over now?" Minhyun asks, but clearly isn't waiting for a reply because he leans closer immediately, elbow resting on the back of the couch with his head tilted to rest on his hand. The angle makes everything feel more intense, and when he places a kiss on Seongwoo's cheek, so sweet and so  _Minhyun,_ Seongwoo is torn between cringing or begging for another one. "I laughed because the fact that I kissed you and you still think I feel nothing for you at all is just so you."

Seongwoo huffs but Minhyun cuts him off by moving the hand he isn't leaning on up to his hair, letting his fingers linger lightly on his cheeks, his nose, his lips, after threading through once. "If I tell you that everything I do, and have ever done, is for you is that enough? I don't think I knew the true meaning of friendship before you, and now I think I'm learning the true meaning of love, too."

It's Seongwoo who initiates the kiss this time, Seongwoo who slots his fingers against Minhyun's, Seongwoo who laughs unattractively into Minhyun's mouth when he mouths "I like you" 3 times. It's Minhyun who pushes Seongwoo down lightly so he can hover above him and put all the feelings Seongwoo has failed to notice into the way he kisses him, Minhyun who traces Seongwoo's moles teasingly light when Seongwoo takes a break to kiss Minhyun's jaw before he chases his lips once again, Minhyun who has to take a moment to take in Seongwoo's flushed face and remind himself how lucky he is to be in this position.

This is a risk they’re both willing to take.

It's Jonghyun who peeps his head around the corner after considerately waiting almost 20 minutes, just to see them making out with the movie still rolling in the back. He pulls his head back quickly and figures its best to leave for the night, blushing, trying desperately to focus on the part of him that is happy things finally went somewhere, not on the part that's cringing like he'd just caught his parents in the act.

Seongwoo lets the words of praise float between them when he's too distracted by Minhyun's mouth to care or think twice, because that's okay now. It's okay for Seongwoo to feel that because, for the most part, Minhyun feels it too.

Much to Daniel's imaginary novel's delight, things just seem to fall into place.

**Author's Note:**

> completely wasnt my intention to make seongwoo this oblivious but somehow this happened 
> 
> a 2nd chapter/sequel WILL be posted but i'm a very big procrastinator to say the least so i'll try to at least get it done before 2080!! thank you for reading ♡


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